Month: December 2022

Afroman Runs for President

Rapper Afroman announced he is running for President in the 2024 election.

Of course, the man is known for his one-hit wonder “Because I Got High”

He’s presented an eight point platform for his campaign. Per Fox Atlanta:

  1. Decriminalization of cannabis
  2. Criminal justice reform
  3. Law enforcement reform
  4. Immediate halt of all foreign aid
  5. Reparations for African Americans
  6. Promotion of unity, peace and love
  7. Promotion of celebratory displays in professional sports
  8. Legalization of prostitution

In my opinion, 4 is the best and 5 is the worst.

Rufus Redd

Over at B.A.N., commenters couldn’t help but riff on Afroman’s big hit:

Fact checker:

I was going to run for office, but then I got high
I was going to file with the FEC, but then I got high

Now I’m Darryl Perry
and I know why

Because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Andy:

I was going to petition signatures, but then I got high.

I was going to ask people to sign to get me on the ballot, but then I got high.

Now it is past the deadline and I don’t have enough signatures for ballot access, but I know why.

Because I got high.
Because I got high.
Because I got high.

ZioLib:

I was going to move to Taba in the Sinai but then I got high. 
I was going to fight for Greater Israel but then I got high…

Bob’s version:

I was going to go to convention, but then I got high
I was going to educate everyone about PLAS, but then I got high

Now I’m jacking off
and I know why

Because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Paulie’s version:

I was going to troll IPR, but then I got high
I was going to censor some comments too, but then I got high

Now cyberpig lost all access
and I know why

Because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Andy Gonzalez version:

I was going to cross the border, but then I got high
I was going to do it the legal way too, but then I got high

Now I’m sucking this coyote off
and I know why

Because I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Jacob Andrews, the 50 year old virgin: 

I’m a 50 year old virgin and life passed me by. Why oh why did I just let life pass me by?

I was going to try it with women but life passed me by. 
I was going to be a millionaire first and life passed me by. 

I waste my life on politics, so I know why, 
life keeps on passing me by 
and by and by. 
Bi and bye!

Other people’s version version:

I was going to have gay sex, so I got high. 
I was going to give analingus too, so I got high. 

I did what I was going to do, and now you know why. 
I’ll keep doing them same dam thangs because I stay high!!!

Max Pruss:

I was going to be a rapper, but dam I be white.
I was going to be a pimp, but dam I be white. 
I got no flow, no ho and no dough…but it’s all right

Because I’m alt right…
Because I’m real White…
Because I’m a White…

Andy’s rap was criticized by Your Pusher:

Andy’s version don’t flow. Try reading it out loud to see what I mean. If Andy is an aspiring rapper he really needs to keep his day job. His rapping name should probably be Vanilla Square. He wouldn’t know fresh lyrics and a dope beat if they ran him over with a bulldozer and then backed that thang up. I mean, I ain’t hating on a cracka, but if he wants to be a rapper, mumble rap is probably the biggest godsend that ever came his way. I have better raps come out of my beehind after eating to many beans than that weak, lame wannabe rap he wrote above. I hope I’m not belaboring the point too much but damn that do do done did not do.

Your Pusher

According to Mark Elworth Jr, chairman of the Legal Marijuana NOW Party of Nebraska, the Legal Marijuana NOW Party will place Afroman along with other “high quality” candidates on its primary ballots in Nebraska and Minnesota.

Afroman’s campaign website is ogafroman.com